What If I Do Have the Words?

A few mornings ago, I heard myself say something that stopped me in my tracks:

“Words are not my first language.”

What I meant was that I don’t always trust myself to communicate. I worry that I won’t know what to say, that the words won’t come out correctly, or that I won’t be able to express what I know and feel so deeply within me.

I have spent a lot of time telling myself:

“I don’t have the words.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I can’t trust myself to speak.”

And then my throat became incredibly sore.

It hurt to swallow.

It hurt to speak.

My Body Heard Me

I believe our bodies are extraordinarily intelligent.

I believe our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions affect us physically. Everything is created twice, first in thought and then in form. Where our attention goes, energy flows.

And I believe my body heard me.

I had been repeatedly telling myself that I couldn’t speak, that I didn’t have the words, and that I couldn’t trust my own voice.

Then my body responded in the exact place from which my voice is expressed.

Instead of seeing my sore throat as something my body was doing to me, I became curious about what my body might be revealing to me.

What if my body was showing me the story I had been telling it?

What Are You Not Saying?

I brought this experience into one of my coaching cohorts, and the conversation became even more powerful.

Someone brought up the throat chakra.

In yogic and spiritual traditions, the throat chakra is associated with our voice, truth, communication, and self-expression. When we suppress what we need to say, withhold our truth, or become afraid of being heard, that energy can feel blocked or stuck in the throat.

Then another woman shared an experience from a five-day conference she once attended.

At the beginning of the conference, there was a small sign at the front of the room that asked:

What are you not saying?

Each day, the sign intentionally grew larger.

The words expanded across the front of the room until, by the final day, they were enormous and impossible to ignore:

WHAT ARE YOU NOT SAYING?

She was incredibly shy at the time and afraid to speak. By the end of the five-day conference, she had developed the worst sore throat.

She later heard someone explain that what we are unwilling or afraid to express can become caught in the throat. The energy of withholding our voice does not simply disappear. It can remain within us, blocked and waiting to be acknowledged and released.

Her story resonated so deeply with me.

What had I not been saying?

What truth had I been withholding?

What part of my voice had I decided could not be trusted?

Everything Is Created Twice

One of my greatest mentors, Mary Morrissey, tells the story of becoming pregnant as a teenager and being removed from the high school where she had been thriving. She carried tremendous shame, disappointment, and self-hatred.

Not long after her son was born, she was diagnosed with life-threatening kidney disease.

The night before surgery, a woman invited Mary to consider whether the toxicity of the thoughts and emotions she had been living in might be affecting her body.

Mary did not understand or believe it, but she was willing to leave a corner of her mind open to the possibility.

The woman helped Mary create three vivid images of a future she would love: walking her little boy into kindergarten before continuing into her own classroom as a teacher, watching him graduate from high school, and sitting in the front row at his wedding.

After surgery, whenever the old thoughts of shame returned, Mary released them and returned to those images.

Her remaining kidney healed.

Mary lived into every one of those visions and has now spent decades teaching others about the power of our thoughts, beliefs, and visions.

Her story has lived in me for years.

Now I find myself asking:

What if my throat is inviting me to change the story I have been telling about my voice?

The Evidence Is Already There

Beneath the fear, I know the truth.

I know that God lives within me.

I know that the infinite guides me, leads me, and acts through me.

I know that everything I need is already within me.

That means the words are within me too.

I have experienced this while coaching. When I stop trying to mentally construct what another person needs to hear and simply listen, trust, and allow, the words come.

God speaks through me.

The people I serve feel seen, loved, and supported. They have experienced something powerful enough that they want to continue working with me.

I have already lived the evidence that my voice can be trusted.

The voice saying I cannot speak is fear. It is insecurity. It is an old story born during a time when I did not feel safe, seen, heard, or valued.

That story may be part of my past, but it is not who I am.

And it is not whose I am.

Giving My Body a New Message

My God is bigger than my fear.

I have already been equipped with everything I need to live, love, serve, speak, and become the woman I am here to be.

Receiving guidance and support does not mean I am powerless without it. Support can help me uncover and express what is already within me, but it is not the source of my power.

The Source is within me.

So I am giving my body a new message:

I have a voice.

I have the words.

I trust what wants to move through me.

My words do not need to be perfect to be powerful.

It is safe for me to speak.

It is safe for me to be heard.

Everything I need is already within me.

Perhaps there is a place in your own life where you have been telling yourself that you cannot trust what is within you.

Maybe there is something you have been afraid to express.

Maybe there is a truth, a dream, a need, or a longing that has become caught in your throat.

What if your voice has been there all along, waiting for you to trust it?

What if you do have the words?

Field Notes

What are you not saying?

Where have you been withholding your voice or silencing what you know to be true?

What new message would you love to give your mind, body, and spirit today?